It’s weird…

how easy it has gotten to talk with people about my cancer related issues.

A male colleague approached me at court to discuss my new short hairdo. He informed me that I’m hot enough to pull off any hair length (aww), but then asked about the cancer. He asked if I just had chemo, and I explained I had the works: bilateral mastectomy, chemo, rads, and now hormone therapy. He asked me all about reconstruction, and I was surprised at how comfortable I felt discussing it. I’m glad to be able to spread some awareness. He now has a way better understanding of breast cancer, including that age doesn’t matter. I was 33 when I discovered my advanced cancer, and it had been there for a while. Probably at least a few years.

If it wants you, there’s nothing you can do except try to survive it. It has been almost a year since my diagnosis, and I’m in remission, but I still feel like I’m trying to survive it.

I read something a while back that stuck with me. A physician/cancer survivor said that eventually cancer feels like less of a book, and more of a chapter. I hope that ends up being the case for me. Not everyone gets that lucky.

It’s almost October, aka breast cancer awareness month (aka pinktober). I have a feeling this month will be a little emotional for me with all the pink shit that’s already hitting the shelves.

Back to Reality

Tomorrow I’ll be back in the courtroom bright and early. Boo to that. Vacation has been amazing, and I really don’t want it to end.

But it’s almost October, which is my favorite month. There’s so much awesomeness to look forward to:
Rosa’s wedding, finally running the half-marathon, Grove Fest, Oktoberfest, Six Flags, Lemp haunted house, and the costume party I’m throwing. Every weekend is packed. This is also the month I finally get to schedule my reconstruction surgery. Yay!!!! It’s going to be a busy month.

I have so much I want to say, but I’m exhausted. We woke up at 2:45 am to get ready to go to the airport. But I somehow forced myself to stay awake for the premiere of Eastbound and Down.

Holy fucking hot flash. This tamoxifen shit…ugh. But that’s a whole other post worth of complaining, and I’m too happy to complain right now.

numero uno

This was my first day of vacation.  It felt good to stay up late on Sunday night, knowing I didn’t have to go into the office this morning. 

The highlights:

  • 6+ mile run with the boyfriend.
  • Shopping at the Premium Outlets in Chesterfield. I’m a fan.
  • Drinks. ❤
  • Halloween costume shopping with cute face and his dad.

These are my two favorite purchases from today’s shopping trip, where Dave and I bought all the things.  Not really, but it felt that way.  He called it binge shopping, which I thought was cute, and a fitting description.

Hot pink pea coat.  Dave talked me into getting this.  This pic does not do the color justice.  It’s gorgeous.

Sunglasses from Michael Kors.  Love these so much.  My shopping goal for today was to find new sunglasses for Mexico.  Yay!

Honorable mention: I talked the boyfriend into buying a new cologne that smells fucking amazing.  I cannot wait to smell him tomorrow. ❤

And now that Jax is sleeping, I’m having a Breaking Bad marathon.  I’m three episodes into Season 2.  I’m so hooked.  

I Succeeded In Redefining Beautiful Breasts, For Myself Anyway


A/N –This is the final part of my tattoo-instead-of-reconstruction story, click links for first parts. I’ve been lazy about finishing it, and now I realize I did not have the clear focus to say what needed to be said. I just got that focus.

Former Grunge Girl Attempts to Redefine the Idea of Beautiful Breasts Part 1

Former Grunge Girl Attempts to Redefine the Idea of Beautiful Breasts Part 2

Former Grunge Girl, Yada Yada Part 3


I’ve renamed the page that contains pictures of my non-reconstructed breast after lumpectomy and after tattooing to make a very important point: The Right Choice For Me – No Reconstruction. Let me, the Cancer Curmudgeon, state for the record, unequivocally, in the event I’ve not made it clear enough, that yes indeed, this is a very personal choice, and mine was perfect for me. I love my Red Hot Chili Peppers band logo tattoo. My tattoo in lieu of replaced nipple looks fabulous in and out of clothes. I’m very happy about my choice. I made the right choice for myself and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

Read More

She (always) says it better than I ever could.

so many books, so little time

This is my list of books read so far this year.  My goal is to read at least 24 books in 2013, and I’m almost there.  I’m very much enjoying working toward achieving this goal.  I’m loving it even more now that I’ve upgraded to a Kindle Paperwhite.

  1. The Sorrows (by Jonathan Janz)
  2. The Fault in Our Stars (John Green)
  3. The Red Devil: To Hell With Cancer and Back(Katherine Russel Rich)
  4. Damned (Chuck Palahniuk)
  5. Gone Girl (Gillian Flynn)
  6. Dark Places (Gillian Flynn)
  7. Scratch (Brian Keene)
  8. The Passage (Justin Cronin)
  9. An Abundance of Katherines (John Green)
  10. Six Years (Harlan Coben)
  11. Afterwards (Rosamund Lupton)
  12. Rocking the Pink (Laura Roppe)
  13. The Dinner (Herman Koch)
  14. Defending Jacob (William Landay)
  15. Aftertime (Sophie Littlefield)
  16. Survivors (Sophie Littlefield)
  17. Brothers and Bones (James Hankins)
  18. The Interestings (Meg Wolitzer)
  19. The Silent Wife (A.S.A. Harrison)

The standouts on the list: The Fault In Our Stars, Gone Girl, Defending Jacob, and The Red Devil.

Last night I started #20: The Atlantis Gene.  So far, so good.  I’m a sucker for a good sci fi novel.  I’m probably going to read a couple of books this week, because I’ll be on vacation.  I’m thinking about re-reading The Ruins, because I’ll be in Mexico next weekend, so the theme is fitting, even though I’m not planning to see any ruins this time around.  Also on my short list: The Husband’s Secret. 

One of the (many) things I love about living in The Grove is the proximity to all of the awesomeness this city has to offer. We were bored after lunch, so we just popped over to the Science Center for a couple of hours.

The highlights:
*Jax was scared of the T. rex.
*But he wanted to make his own at Build-a-Bear. So we did, and he named him Jaxasaurus.
*It would apparently cost $340,000.00 to send Jax into outer space. Let’s not talk about how much it would cost to send me. Ugh.
*We went to the planetarium, and Jax informed me that he’s going to be a super hero astronaut when he grows up. His dad and I agreed that sounds like a pretty bad ass career.