Last night, as I was falling asleep, I thought to myself: sometimes you go to sleep and you just don’t wake up…like Chris. 

And my heart hurt.

I still can’t believe my little brother is gone.

It will be another four to six weeks before we know the cause of death.

He left behind four little boys. The twins are only two months old.

I just can’t…


I dropped my phone yesterday and now the screen doesn’t work. i (thankfully) have insurance, so that’s a relief, considering I’m not eligible for an upgrade until October 2015.  A replacement was shipped out today via 2 day UPS, but I bet I don’t have it until Saturday with the holiday (and apparently some massive snowstorm that’s on the way??). 

Today I have realized just how much I have come to depend on my phone, and the ability to always be connected to everything and everyone. For example, I don’t want to go to the gym because I can’t listen to music, since it’s all on my phone.  I probably reached for my phone like 15 times during court today because I was so bored.  I wanted to take a pic of the crazy security at the courthouse, but my phone is my camera.  It’s funny because I remember when the first iPhone came out and everyone was flipping out while I stubbornly refused to give up my flip phone. I was sitting at dinner with friends (one of which was itsjustcarrie) and they were all on their iPhones. I remember saying, “You guys are crazy with these fucking phones. Who wants to be on the internet all the time?” They made fun of me, and rightfully so. I was ridiculously naive.

Oh how time changes everything.

love ridden

  • I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I’m so glad it’s Monday.  I’m glad the funeral is over. It was one of the hardest days ever. I seriously couldn’t have made it through without my bf. He has been so amazing throughout this nightmare. He took excellent care of me yesterday. He drove me to the funeral, and sat with me for over six hours. He held me while I cried. He fed me when it was over. He’s amazing, and I didn’t think it was possible to love him anymore than I already did, but somehow I do.
  • He also met my family for the first time yesterday. Obviously it wasn’t the ideal circumstances under which to meet them, but it went pretty well all things considered.
  • In other news, I’m super excited about Thanksgiving this week. I want pie.
  • I finally get to see Jackson tonight. I haven’t seen him since Tuesday morning, so I’m very anxious to get him home. I’m excited that we will be together every day for the next week, with the exception of tomorrow. We need some mommy/son bonding time.  I think the hardest part of my brother’s funeral was seeing my mom fall apart. Her baby died. I kept thinking: what if it was Jackson? And then I would feel like I couldn’t breathe.  Losing a brother is hard. Losing a child…there are no words.
  • The bf and I restarted My Fitness Pal today. My starting weight is 130.1. I want to lose about five pounds, but I’m going to try to not obsess over it. The goal is to be more calorie aware and more active. Thanksgiving is definitely going to be a cheat day though. That was already discussed. (if you use the app, please add me, as I need the encouragement: lawgirljenn)
  • I’m currently reading a book called After I Do by Taylor Reid. It’s (fiction) about a married couple who is falling out of love, and decide to take a one year break from their relationship.  I’m not done yet, but I’ve identified with quite a bit of what I’ve read, and I think it’s a good read for anyone (but especially a female) who has gone through a separation (or divorce).
  • Happy Monday. Life is short: eat the cake, drink the beer, and tell your people that you love them. This is my new motto. ❤