she will have her way

  1. The weather was beautiful today. I went for a four mile run/walk in the park. I want it to stay this way forever.
  2. The Parenthood marathon is ongoing. I’m almost done with season 1. Oh the tears. 
  3. I took a break from Netflix to go visit with Danielle. We watched Insidious 2. It was creepy.  Watching horror with her is hilarious. She hides under the blankets and whimpers. I don’t know why she tortures herself in this way.
  4. I’m working on a budget. I hate it, but it’s necessary.
  5. I’m also figuring out an exercise schedule. 
  6. I’m not sure how I feel about TWD finale. I thought the last line was totally lame. 
  7. I have one day of vacation left. I’ve really enjoyed my time off. I needed this break.

while the boyfriends are away, the besties will play

Mine is in Scotland. Her’s is in Arkansas.  This left us with plenty of free time to do the following:

  1. Eat lunch at Sugarfire. So. Much. Yum.
  2. We finally got our matching bff tattoos. (This was something we discussed back in the chemo lounge, so it was exciting to finally get it done.)  We each got a pink heart.
  3. Parenthood marathon. She’s been telling me to check it out for months now. I finally went for it. I love it so far.
  4. Yummy mexican food and sangria at Gringo.
  5. The Cup.  Their cupcakes are the best. Totally worth the calories.
  6.  We watched The Conjuring, which she hadn’t seen. I love that she will watch horror movies with me. ❤
  7. Then she told me she had never seen It’s Always Sunny and I was like, “Um…wtf?” so we fixed that.

I love bestie bonding time. 

i didn’t miss you

I had to visit the Siteman Cancer Center today for a follow-up with my oncologist. I hadn’t been there since August, and I was filled with dread (plus a touch of nausea) as I walked in the doors. Labs first.  Doctor second. It felt kind of weird to have a blood draw there without having a port, though I certainly didn’t miss the horrible taste and smell associated with flushing the port.

Good news:

My blood work is perfect. There are no signs of recurrence. My doc said we won’t be doing any scans unless the blood work indicates a problem.  I was a bit concerned about this at first, but he stated that regular blood work is a much more reliable indicator of a possible recurrence. If my blood work shows abnormalities, then we scan. 

He told me I can keep my Mirena IUD, even though my gyno wants it out.  He believes it isn’t doing any harm, and may be actually doing some good.

He’s pleased that I don’t have any significant Tamoxifen side effects. He felt my new boobs, which he says look great (haha), and gave me the all clear.

All of the nurses made a huge deal about how much they love my hair and claim that I should have short hair forever and ever.  Apparently I have a “pixie face.”

Bad news:

He changed his mind about Enbrel. He doesn’t want me on it unless the circumstances are dire.  Since I am still able to function normally most of the time, he wants me to suck it up.  He says taking it will most likely increase the risk of recurrence, though he cannot say by how much. This made me unhappy, but I get it. I really do.  I’m just disappointed because I’m so tired of being in pain EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY.

Overall, it was a good visit. I go back in three months.  All of them want to put me in permanent menopause, but I keep saying no, and will continue to refuse it. I did appreciate that he told me he understands, that he knows I’ve had a lot taken from me this last year, and he doesn’t blame me at all.

it must be monday

  • I think I’ve been watching/reading too much horror. I had a crazy nightmare last night. I woke up around 4:30 this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep.
  • I got stuck (for about half an hour) in a small conference room with two unpleasant smelling individuals this morning. I had to take a fresh air break at one point.
  • I’m sick of people who only contact me when they want something.  Fuck off. Seriously. I’m done with you.
  • I’m home now, because I got tired of freezing in my super drafty office. I’m warmer now, but I just realized I forgot something I need back at the office if I want to get any work done. Fuck.
  • I’m on a diet as of this morning, based off of clothing fit alone. I couldn’t bring myself to step on the scale.