I’ve been laying here, in my dark bedroom, for hours. I can’t sleep. That’s impossible.
But I’m ready. So very ready. Let’s do this.
I’d kill for a glass of water. This no water after midnight rule really sucks.
I’m starting to get really freaked out.
I want to climb into bed, hide under the covers, and never come out.
Since being diagnosed with cancer, I am convinced that any pain in my body means the cancer has spread. This is starting to get a little ridiculous, and is most definitely exhausting. Can it please be Wednesday now? I need to get this process started. I feel like I’m going insane.
Last night I had my outing with my friends. It was a good time, but not without drama. I lost it, went off on a couple of friends, and then cried during dinner. Afterward, we went to a bar, where my friend and I got completely wasted, and ended up getting kicked out. She almost got arrested. We are a hot mess.
But it somehow seemed like a fitting end to the evening.
Watching movies about terminal cancer patients…fail.
- Thanksgiving was good. I got to see both of my favorite people. Win.
- D and I went shopping today. I always say I’m not going out on Black Friday, and then I always do. Anyway, I bought a Roku 2 XD. We have been watching it all evening. It is awesome. I can now watch Netflix, HBO Go, and Amazon Instant Video on my television; instead of being stuck watching them on my laptop. This is a major win.
- I believe I get to see one of my best friends from college this weekend, and I am fucking pumped. It has been way too long. If you are reading this, I love you JFK!!!
- Tomorrow night I’m going out with friends for what I am calling ‘my last hurrah boob party’. It’s my last weekend with real breasts, and I’m going out with a bang. ❤
- I still have a lot of stuff I need to buy to be ready for surgery. I guess I should do that this weekend. I need new bras, button down shirts, and comfy pants for lounging around.
- I read this book, which was written by a young breast cancer survivor, and I found it extremely helpful. It was wonderful to read something about the subject to which I could actually relate. I have also found some wonderful blogs here on Tumblr written by younger men and women with cancer. They are all my heroes right now. Truly inspirational. Sometimes reading their entries is the only thing that keeps me sane.
- This cancer literally hurts. My boob is killing me. I cannot wait to get this shit out of me.
- It has come to my attention that all kinds of people are reading this blog. People I never even would have imagined would stumble across it have found it thanks to my Facebook profile. This isn’t a big deal to me, because it’s obviously public, so whatever. And I’m not tracking IP addresses or anything creepy like that. However, I want to make it clear to everyone reading this that I’m not going to censor myself. This is my fucking blog, and I will post whatever the fuck I want. If you are concerned about seeing something that may offend or upset you, like the word fuck, then don’t come here. Seriously, it’s that easy.
- Right now I am thankful for Xanax. It’s the only reason I sleep anymore.