Anniversary

I didn’t remember until this morning that yesterday was the one year anniversary of my bilateral mastectomy. I was worried it was going to bother me a lot, but it really doesn’t. I think a big part of that has to do with the fact that I’m extremely pleased with my reconstruction.  As the weeks go by, I like them more and more.

It also really helped that I was having way too much fun yesterday to give cancer any thought. I love days like that.

https://open.spotify.com/track/4v4ptIMHWD1Y1x4RHoi7Ew?plead=please-dont-download-this-or-our-lawyers-wont-let-us-host-audio

I heard this song this morning.  (It’s on one of my Spotify playlists.)  It will always remind me of my first serious relationship. Isn’t it weird how songs can take you back to a very specific time in your life and stir up long forgotten feelings?

I heard the sound of your bike as your wheels hit the gravel
Then your engine in the driveway cutting off
And I pushed through the screen door and I stood out on the porch
Thinking fight, fight, fight at all costs

But instead I let you in just like I’ve always done
I sat you down and offered you a beer
And across the kitchen table, I fired several rounds
But you were still sitting here when the smoke cleared

And you came crawling back
To say that you wanna make good in the end
And oh, oh let me count the ways that I abhor you

And you were never a good lay
And you were never a good friend
But, oh, oh, oh what can I say
I adore you, oh

All I need is my leather, one t-shirt and two socks
I’ll keep my hands warm in your pockets and you can use the engine block
And we’ll ride out to California with my arms around your chest
And I’ll pretend that this is real ‘cuz this is what I like best

And you’ve been juggling two women like a stupid circus clown
Telling us both we are the one
And maybe you can keep me from ever being happy
But you’re not gonna stop me from having fun

So let’s go before I change my mind
I’ll leave the luggage of all your lies behind
‘Cuz I am bigger than everything that came before

And you were never very kind
And you let me way down every time
But oh, oh, oh what can I say
I adore you

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

I heard the sound of your bike
As your wheels hit the gravel
Then your engine in the driveway
Cutting off

these go to 11

  1. My kid is leaving town tomorrow to spend Thanksgiving in Texas with his dad’s family. I’m upset that I don’t get to spend Thanksgiving with him, which is silly because I’m not a big Thanksgiving person.  But…still. I’m sad.  And yeah, I get that it’s my fault since I’m the one who wanted to get divorced.  Blah, blah, blah. Whatever.
  2. I can’t stop eating Starbursts and now I feel sick.  Even feeling sick isn’t sufficient motivation to stop though.
  3. I blame my boyfriend for telling me I look awesome and don’t need to lose weight.
  4. I’ve had a headache for 24 hours non-stop. Awesome.
  5. I have a visitor this week: Violet.  For those that don’t know, Violet is the cat I bought with my ex.  He “got” her in the divorce. I don’t know how to refer to her now. Is she his cat? Is she our cat? Idk. Whatever. She’s here, and so far she doesn’t seem too happy about it.
  6. Btw, I’m an awesome ex-wife for watching the cat, right? *pats self on back*
  7. I don’t get the point of blocking someone on one social media site, but not others.  Why block me on Facebook, but not on Twitter, Instagram, or Goodreads? Most people have their Facebook pages totally locked down anyway.  It’s weird, right? 
  8. I wrote a long paragraph for #8 and then deleted it because it’s just not worth it.
  9. Last night I had a bit of a meltdown about breast cancer shit. Sometimes it hits me out of nowhere.  Thanksgiving is the anniversary of my double mastectomy. Nice.
  10. The other day I saw something that reminded me of this trashy whore I used to know, but haven’t spoken to in about 18 months.  (My ex also “got” her in the divorce, which worked out well because I never liked her anyway. He also “had” her before our divorce, but that’s a story for another time.) Anyway, it reminded me of just how much my life has changed since December 2011.  (December 2011 is when I met somebody who changed the course of my life.) 
  11. I used to have a make-up and designer handbag obsession (in what feels like a previous life). I am starting to get really into make-up again, and I’m quite excited because my very first Birchbox is on the way.  Also, I am ready to declare that the Stila in the Light eyeshadow palette is love.