Parent/teacher conference was tonight…

I swear to fucking god my ex is a master at making literally everything about himself. 

Teacher: Jackson really loves books. 

The ex: Oh that’s because I’m in publishing so books are a huge part of my life…blah blah blah.

Teacher: Jackson is advanced on everything but writing.

The ex: Oh that’s crazy because I’m a published author. Blah blah blah.

Me: 😡😡😡😡😡

matter of fact 

Today my ex told me, among other things, that he’s not in love with me anymore.

He went on to say that he was explaining to Jackson that we met when we were very young (18) and that people just grow apart, and that’s why we had to get divorced. 

It was surprisingly mature for someone I typically describe as a man-child.

Anyway…I was glad to hear it. Though I’ve been mostly over the guilt for a while now. It has almost been five years, after all. Plus, if the exes can’t see that we are all better off now then they must be blind. Who wants to be stuck in a loveless marriage? 

So yeah…that happened today.

Worth it 

So today I did something that was sort of difficult for me (because of social anxiety and the like) and reached out to someone who is really good friends with D’s ex. Why? Because Freya is good friends with her daughter and would like the daughter to start coming over to our new place. 

The mom was actually very nice and I appreciate how courteous she was. It sounds like we will be planning play dates in the near future. 

I love Freya, and it makes me happy to see her happy. I told her about it when she got home tonight and she cheered. She even did a little dance. 😊

the bottom of the inbox

Last night, D was on a run and the kids were asleep, so I decided to tackle my personal gmail account. It had 1546 unread messages. *sigh*

It was an interesting experience going through all of the emails. I was able to unsubscribe from several email lists, which should hopefully result in a more clutter free email experience moving forward. Once I hit the June 2016 mark, I found an unread email from one of my college besties (hi, James!) telling me how happy he is that I’m happy, and how much he misses me. I felt like the biggest asshole for never responding. I immediately sent off a response apologizing for it, but I wanted to apologize here as well. Sorry, dude. You know I love you.

After deleting like 1500 emails, I finally reached the bottom of the inbox. This is a place I rarely visit. It holds some real gems, as well as some reminders of times I’d rather forget but for some reason can’t bring myself to delete.

The gems:

  • An email from 2011 written by an old colleague and detailing the hell that is going to muni court. It’s entitled “Gettin’ Outta Jail” and it’s still hilarious.
  • Several emails from late 2012 from D which contain attachments to songs he wrote, including a couple he wrote for me.  Winter for You still makes me cry.
  • A link to a sex video we made. Yeah, baby.
  • A few super sweet emails I received from friends during my cancer treatment.

The ugly:

  • An email from 5/2012 written by my ex-husband.
  • Two emails from 5/2012 written by my ex-MIL.
  • A disqus comment thread from 10/30/2012 which contains an argument I had with my boyfriend’s ex regarding content on my blog.
  • Emails from 5/2013 between D and myself that I simply refer to as “the great break-up exchange of 2013” and refuse to read because they will make me cry, despite how awesome things ended up. There are some brutal truths in those emails, and I see it as the point where we really took off the gloves and went for it. Balls to the wall.

I should really delete some of this stuff. But I just can’t. I don’t know why. It’s almost like I feel like if I delete it that I’m pretending it didn’t happen. I don’t know…it’s complicated.