Awkward.
I think it went rather well, all things considered.
They are taking Jackson to go see Jimmy Eat World in Columbia. My kid is officially cooler than me.
Tag Archives: the ex
Parent/teacher conference was tonight…
I swear to fucking god my ex is a master at making literally everything about himself.
Teacher: Jackson really loves books.
The ex: Oh that’s because I’m in publishing so books are a huge part of my life…blah blah blah.
Teacher: Jackson is advanced on everything but writing.
The ex: Oh that’s crazy because I’m a published author. Blah blah blah.
Me: š”š”š”š”š”
matter of factĀ
Today my ex told me, among other things, that he’s not in love with me anymore.
He went on to say that he was explaining to Jackson that we met when we were very young (18) and that people just grow apart, and that’s why we had to get divorced.
It was surprisingly mature for someone I typically describe as a man-child.
Anyway…I was glad to hear it. Though I’ve been mostly over the guilt for a while now. It has almost been five years, after all. Plus, if the exes can’t see that we are all better off now then they must be blind. Who wants to be stuck in a loveless marriage?
So yeah…that happened today.
shout out
to my ex for canceling a first date tonight to keep our son since I’m super fucking sick.
I writeĀ about the bad stuff he does, so I figured it’s only fair to write about the good.
maybe you need to be a different kind of person?
I had an awkward conversation with my ex a bit ago.
He called to (supposedly) ask my advice about a shitty situation he finds himself in, though I think he really just wanted to talk about it. Apparently, he has been banging some chick for the past couple of weeks in order to get over his break up with Alaska chick. To make a long story short, this woman is apparently an alcoholic who has admittedly stolen things (including prescription drugs) from previous boyfriends. He is very confident that she stole one of his guitars when she left his house this morning. He plans to confront her about it (though I told him that was likely pointless), and probably file a police report so he can file a renterās insurance claim (per my advice).
Anyway, he started complaining about how hard dating is and made the comment,Ā āI donāt pull down lawyers anymore.ā To which I replied,Ā āWell you used to, soā¦ā He replied,Ā āIām not that kind of person anymore.ā
What I didnāt say, but wanted to, was,Ā āMaybe you need to be a different kind of person then.ā Not because he needs to be dating lawyers, but because dating fucked up people who steal from you is not a good alternative. Especially when you have a kid. How about working on yourself? If you canāt find someone worthy of being in your life, how about not dating?
I canāt even. Way to always be a fucking victim. The unspoken theme throughout the conversation (throughout all of our conversations really) is āyou divorced me and broke my heart so now Iām doomed to date degenerates.ā
Good call, dude. Way to adult.
Maybe Iām being too harsh? Thatās possible. Iām hard on people, though I donāt expect more from anyone else than I demand from myself.
Anyway, thatās my truth for the day.
sometimes being the bigger person really, really sucks
I want to say so many very mean things about my ex right now, but Iām not going to do it. Iām going to resist the urge to be extremely petty because itās just not worth it.
dude, wtf?
Iāve gotta get my rant on:
So I pick Jackson up from school this afternoon and he doesnāt have his coat. Itās 35 fucking degrees outside and so Iām obviously like wtf? He explains to me that his dad was running late this morning (*let me mention here that it was already a late start day, which means school didnāt start until fucking 11 am) and told Jackson he didnāt have time to go back for it. Despite the fact that he lives fucking five minutes from the school and has no place to be because he has no job. Then Iām like, so what did you do during recess? And Jackson explains that his teacher had him wear a coat from the lost and found, which Iām obviously grateful for because it was cold and all, but still…ugh. Ā Now we look like incompetent asshole parents and I am fucking pissed. I would never have allowed this.Ā
Maybe Iām overreacting…I donāt know. Iām pissed though.
THEN…
I call him and Iām like yeah I need to come by to get the coat. He acted all put out by this and sounded as though I had woken him up. It was 4:15 pm, btw. Anyway, I go get it and heās completely unapologetic about it. I wanted to talk shit, but I wonāt get into it with him in front of our kid because Iām not trash.Ā
On the way home, I had to stop at the drug store because we needed childrenās Advil, and Jackson jumped out of the car without his coat on (he had been buckled in when his dad threw it in the car, so he didnāt put it on then). I reached back into the car to grab it and hit my head so very hard against the top of the door. So hard. I saw black spots. I got dizzy. My vision blurred. I became nauseous and felt a stabbing pain behind my eye. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
So Iām pretty sure I have a mild concussion. Iām home now. Still hurts. Iām grumpy as fuck and I have decided to blame it all on my ex.
The end.Ā
come at me, bro
My ex has been talking shit about my boyfriend to my son and then telling my son to keep it a secret. Iām furious about that for reasons that are so obvious I donāt think I need to express them here.Ā
The most mind blowing part is what he has been telling him. He told Jackson that he shouldnāt try to be like Dave, because Dave doesnāt have a real job and just sits around pretending to work. Dave has a PhD in electrical engineering and is the head of a research and development group. My ex is a wannabe comic book writer who has made all of $1400 from his writing in the last ten years, and, up until a month ago, lived in his momās basement.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?Ā
Jackson told me he disagrees with his dad, but doesnāt want to get yelled at. He also said that it makes him sad to be put in the middle like this.
*deep breaths*
Iām trying to calm down so I can think out my next move.Ā
perspective
A large glass of wine and a chat with the bf have given me perspective on theĀ āmy ex knows about my blogā situation.
I have spent a long time now feeling super guilty about the fact that I ended our marriage. It was absolutely not something he wanted, and he didnāt let me go easily. He fought for a good long time, and even pulled a few really dirty, manipulative tricks. I have forgiven him for that, and I give him a lot of leeway because of the guilt I continue to feel over breaking his heart.
When I see him nowadays, he often tells me about what is going on in his life: who he is dating, where he goes with his friends, etc. In the beginning, it was sort of hard to hear about all the fun he was having going out and living it up, because that was always something I wanted us to do together and he always refused. But I decided to grin and fucking bear it because thatās what you do. Ā He still does it now, but itās not a big deal to me at this point. The point is: I certainly never, ever talk to him about anything going on in my life unless it concerns Jackson. Ā Because Iām not trying to rub his face in it.
But is that really fair? Iām not saying I want to rub his face in it, but is it fair for him to tell me all about his life while I keep mine quiet like some big dirty secret? Itās not a dirty secret. I am ridiculously happy now. I did what I had to do to be happy, and it wasnāt easy. I worked hard for this. I shouldnāt feel ashamed about it. That is bullshit.
And on some level it probably isnāt even him making me feel that way… itās me. Iām doing this to myself. Because my guilt continues to eat at me, even now, despite all of my exclamations to the contrary. So really itās my fault and itās my problem.
This blog is mine. It means a lot to me. Probably more than it should. Iām not going to censor myself because he (or anyone else who doesnāt like it) may choose to read it. Fuck that. I have to move past this shit.
I totally get that reading this would make him unhappy, but that is a personal choice, and therefore it is his own personal problem. Not mine.
tl;dr: read at your own risk.Ā
what i deserve is comfort for my shaken soul
– Jackson is trying to teach me to build shit in Minecraft and itās both fun and completely frustrating. We are both ridiculously stubborn. *sigh*
– I rediscovered Kelly Willis last night. I bought my two favorite albums on Amazon Music last night and Iāve been listening to them over and over. (Easy & What I Deserve. They arenāt on Spotify. WTF, Spotify?) Ā Itās a blast from the past, but in the best way possible. One thing I can say for my ex: he has always had amazing taste in music. (And he totally reminds me of the Jack Black character in High Fidelity).
– I woke up to discover I was out of Diet Pepsi, so I had to drink the Diet Mountain Dew I keep on hand for the bf instead. Ugh. Epic grocery shopping fail.
– Iām reading Those Girls by Chevy Stevens and itās so good. I was hooked from page one. Iām over halfway through now, so Iāll def finish it this weekend. Iāll be sad when itās over. The first major scene in the book was like a brutal reminder of growing up. If domestic violence, rape, and torture are triggers for you: DO NOT READ THIS BOOK.
– Iām feeling crafty today. Iām going to venture out to finally buy my embroidery hoop so I can start on my needlepoint project. I also feel like making some cards/writing some letters. If you want one, message me your address. I love handwriting letters. Emails are so impersonal. Also, getting mail is just fun.Ā
– Minions tonight! In the suite seats. With the bf and his daughter. ā¤ā¤ā¤Ā
Just Jenn 