when it’s over

Two of my best friends are going through a separation, and my heart is breaking for them.  It’s so difficult to be on either side of a break up.  This is bringing up a lot of memories and feelings from last summer. I hate this. I wish I could do something more to help, but I know all I can do is offer my support and love.  I wish it was enough, but I know it isn’t. Fuck.

If only there was a pill that could fix it.  I remember wishing for that many, many times.

Of course, here on the other side of my own break up, I’m happier than ever, which proves that sometimes the grass really is greener. You just have to make it to the other side, which is much easier said that done. 

In 2012, I contributed to the heartbreak of several people, and for that I will always be sorry.  I have forgiven myself for that, though it was hard, but I still feel guilty about it.  I still think about it every day.  I’m hoping it gets easier with time.  I want everyone to end up happy, but realistically I know that not everyone gets a happy ending.  Life isn’t a fairy tale.

But, ultimately, you cannot rely upon another person for your happiness.  You can only rely upon yourself. I don’t want to only be happy as Jenn & ______.  I want to be happy as Jenn.  If you’re not happy with yourself, by yourself, then you will never truly be happy at all.

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