weigh in wednesday

I weighed in at 138.3 this morning and I was delighted with being back in the 130s. So imagine my dismay when I got to the office this morning and saw these:


I totally ate the one in the center. I can’t resist donuts. Ever. It’s Laura’s birthday and also Admin Professionals Day, so it was for a good cause. Haha.

We also have a lunch meeting with our CPA today so that will mean even more calories. Ohs to the well. Tomorrow is another day, right?  The good news is that D and I are starting personal training in May.

And the outfit of the day:


I bought this dress/tunic a year or two ago from a local fashion truck: Rack + Clutch.

Oh and this is sort of random, but on the way to work today I was listening to this song and it occurred to me that the lyrics remind me of going out with D. We tend to go pretty hard when we go out.


getting it all out

  • Work stuff is stressing me out. Ugh. I get to be the attorney and the secretary for the next 28 days.  God help us all. I’ve already thrown papers across the room in a fit of anger.
  • But Friday is the firm Christmas Party at McGurk’s. Super excited about that. There will be much drinking.
  • All this answering the phone nonsense actually brings me back to three years ago when Scott and I opened this firm.  We didn’t have an assistant for approximately 8 months.  Those were interesting times. Happy anniversary to B&A!
  • I’m getting to spend quality time with all of my favorites this week/weekend. Danielle and I had a dinner date last night, and then I got to finally see my bf. Tonight is BFF date night with Ann. We are having a pizza and wine fueled gossip session. I get to see my sweet faced boy tonight, and then this weekend is going to be much fun. I can’t wait. Thinking of all that is what is getting me through today.
  • I bought a couch on Sunday.  It’s a leather sectional, and it is being delivered on Friday.  I’m way excited. Merry Christmas to me.
  • AHS Coven is so good that I’m willing to pay $2.99 per episode on Amazon Instant.  I’m hooked after only one episode.  Horror is my happy place. Is that fucked up?
  • I started Allegiant, which is the last book in the Divergent series. I’ve heard some disappointing things, but I’m ready to know what is on the other side of that damn fence!
  • I very much liked the number on my scale this morning (134), but I seriously need to stop obsessing over my weight.  It’s unhealthy. It’s making me depressed. It’s stupid.  I really wish I could take Paxil again.  That stuff helps so much. Stupid BDD.
  • My boyfriend thinks I’m crazy hot so that should be good enough, right?
  • Plus, these boobs are out of control.  Even I have to admit that I look amazing in underwear now.
  • I’ll feel better once I get back into my workout routine. Running and training keep me sane.
  • Okay I must leave the warmth of my office in search of Diet Pepsi (and food). I seriously need to stop running out of it. I can’t make it through the day without my caffeine.

Yesterday was a bad day. I woke up in a bad mood, and it just got worse as the day went on. There was a short period in the early evening when I was feeling better, but everything spiraled out of control after Jackson went to bed. I was a crying mess. With the help of Ann and Xanax, I was finally able to fall asleep. I feel much better this morning. The chemo is fucking with my emotions. One minute I’m fine, and the next I’m crying. As I’ve mentioned before, everything makes me cry nowadays.

I have all these random things I want to say:

  • New Taxol side effect: tooth sensitivity/pain. Last night, all of my teeth hurt, and the pain was intense. I took four Advil, and that helped a bit. It flared up after eating some ice cream. I won’t be doing that again, which I guess will be good for my weight.
  • Speaking of weight, I have gained a couple of pounds. While I know this is nothing, and that weigh fluctuates normally, I’m still not happy about it. Now that I’m not nauseous all the time, it has been difficult to control my eating habits. The steroids are a bitch that way. So I’m back to tracking my intake and exercise through Weight Watchers online. I use WW whenever I’m trying to lose weight. It works very well for me. The healthy weight range for my height (5’6”) is 124 to 155. I weigh 134 as of this morning. I want to weigh between 125 and 130.
  • Part of my issue has been candy. I’ve had a lot of candy in the house the last couple of weeks. I’ve been eating a lot of this candy. This needs to stop. But speaking of candy, why the hell did they change the green Skittle from lime to green apple flavor? Green apple is disgusting. I guess I should look at this as a good thing, because I won’t be eating Skittles anymore.
  • I finished season 2 of GoT last night. I had forgotten how awesome it was. The last episode is amazing. I cannot wait until 3/31, which is the season 3 premiere. I want to have a viewing party. Last year, I got to see the season 2 premiere at the Tivoli a few weeks before it aired on HBO. That was a lot of fun.
  • Daenerys and Tyrion are my favorite characters. I hate Stannis and his entire story line. It’s even worse in the books. Speaking of the books, when is the next one going to be released? I need my fix.
  • Tonight is the Tegan & Sara concert. I am so excited.
  • I’m once again seriously considering getting an LLM in bankruptcy. (For those that don’t know, an LLM is kind of like a masters degree for lawyers. It allows you to specialize in a particular area of law.) I could set it up so I start classes in the fall, which would give me time to recover from treatment before starting. There isn’t a local program, so I’d have to do an online program. It’s a big decision, because it isn’t cheap, and I certainly have a fuck ton of student loan debt already. But I keep coming back to it, so I don’t know what to do.

I have picked up a bunch of new followers, and have received some very nice messages from blog readers.  Thanks, everyone. It means a lot to know doing this makes a difference, and that I have support from so many people.

Chemo Day 7: Feeling pretty good.  Not normal, but much better.  I’m back at the office today, which is great.  I was slowly losing my mind by sitting at home. 

Poor Jackson is sick. Both of his ears are infected.  I took him to see the doctor yesterday afternoon, so now he has antibiotics, and is hopefully on his way to feeling much better.  He’s with his daddy until tomorrow.  I miss him.  I’m taking him to do this on Saturday.  He’s going to flip.  He’s obsessed with trains, especially Thomas, and they have a Thomas ride for the little ones.  Thanks to Nini for telling me about it.

I’ve started to lose weight from the chemo diet.  Nothing tastes right anymore.  I’ve so far discovered that soda and ice cream are gross now.  I’m trying to find stuff I can tolerate, because I’m not getting enough calories.  I’m four pounds away from being considered underweight.  I never thought I’d have this problem as an adult. Ha ha.  I had this problem a lot as a teen.  The good news is that, for once, my weight doesn’t change my breast size.  The silver lining.

I feel so scattered nowadays.  My thoughts are all over. I am having a difficult time concentrating.  I think this is commonly referred to as “chemo brain."  It’s here.