I’ve been having the most vivid dreams and sometimes I get confused as a result. Did that really happen or not? Lately, I’ve been having super realistic dreams that D and I have broken up, which is weird because our relationship is probably stronger than ever. Brains are weird, right?

I like that sore feeling in my legs. Like I know I did something and I feel alive.

Feeling wanted is its own sort of high.

Writing it down is important. So that you can remember it later.

Sometimes I think about that dude that passed out under our Christmas tree when I was a teenager and I wonder what ever happened to him.

In the new house, we will have three Christmas trees, one of which will be a twelve foot tree (in the great room).

I’m not scared of spiders. They’re actually pretty cool when you think about it.

There is nothing more disappointing than a terrible cookie. Girl Scout cookies are kind of terrible to be honest.

I think the thing I’ll miss most about city living is the cookie delivery.

I don’t know how to watch tv alone.

Party never/read forever.

I got so good at turning it off. Now you feel it. Now you don’t.

I will burn the bridge. Every single time.

The talking leads to touching, and the touching leads to sex, and then there is no mystery left.

The purrs and the blankets and the pillows and the books.

The other day I read this blog post a (tumblr) friend of mine wrote about how much she has suffered with self-esteem issues since her ex cheated on her. It made me cry and then I wanted to call my own ex and apologize. But I have. So many times. I have to learn to forgive myself.

He likes to tell me he’s not that person anymore. I’m not either though. Not even close. Isn’t that actually a good thing though? Let’s finally be the people we were always meant to be.

Boom, bitch.

I drank the Jack Daniels straight from the bottle and I yelled down to you from the 7th floor window that you should go fuck yourself. Then I puked in an ice bucket. Welcome to my 1998.

I think you’re crazy. I’m also sort of jealous of you. Mostly, I try to forget you exist.

Did you pay the iron price?

When I was a little girl, I used to hang out at my (step) grandmother’s house and spend hours paging through JCPenney catalogs and imaging an entirely different life for myself.

You were there. And then you weren’t. And then it hurt. And then it didn’t. Now…it doesn’t matter anymore.

He makes me feel free.

I write it because I never want to regret not writing it.

So many plans, so little time.

I was pissed for a while this evening

and I even drafted some ranty blog posts, but I deleted them when I remembered something:

I’ve already won. Like…I have everything I have always wanted.

So why do I even care?

So…fuck it.

I think the lawyer inside me just finds it extremely difficult to let shit go, like I could argue for-fucking-ever, especially when the other side isn’t presenting accurate information. I have all these facts to back up my position, and I want to share them with the world. This is what I do.

But…meh. It’s just not worth it, because you can’t fix stupid or crazy or people who just want to stay stuck in their ways. I’ve learned that the hard way.

Also, for the one who claims to not be reading this blog (lol), I love your daughter so much that I won’t disparage you on the internet despite the fact that you do it to me. Don’t you think it’s time to put away the victim card though? Just a thought.


fuck it friday

  • Happy House of Cards day!
  • I’m developing a deeper friendship with my colleague across the hall. I really like her. She is interesting and funny and weird as fuck. She reminds me a lot of Lena Dunham. I like Lena Dunham. Haters gonna hate. 
  • F’s hair is everywhere. I’m constantly picking it off myself. At least it’s beautiful hair. Strawberry blonde.
  • Hung-the-fuck-over. 
  • Drunken arguments and crying that lead to early morning make-up sex and me asking, “Did we argue last night or was it a dream?”
  • Success is sweet: double boxes, double and triple booked appointments, fucking gangbusters over here. Power coupling. ❤
  • But…anxiety. 
  • Bestie night tonight = burritos and wine.
  • I haven’t looked in a really long time and I’m not going to look. 
  • I have recognized some hypocrisy in myself (after a conversation last night). Must fix problem.
  • Tired, hungry, cold, unmotivated. Meh. 
  • I’m buried in paper.
  • I need cats, caffeine, pain pills, a massage, a nap, and a burrito the size of my head.
  • That mutual masturbation scene in Girls was fucking hot. Ideas.
  • Oh baby, just you shut your mouth. 


  • I’m road ragey. Today my son had to ask me to not be so angry while driving. So I def need to work on that. Oops.
  • I’m that annoying skinny chick who thinks she’s fat.
  • I don’t like mayonnaise and I judge people who do.
  • It annoys me when people ask me if I am available to do something when they know damn well I have no choice in the matter and have to do it. Just say, “Hey Jenn, I need you to do…”
  • I want to answer “no” and see what happens.
  • I have an unhealthy addiction to Diet Pepsi.
  • I have a crush on Charlie from It’s Always Sunny.
  • I’ve been reading step-parenting articles lately. Parenting is hard. Step-parenting will be harder, I think.
  • Sometimes I worry that I drink too much.
  • I’ll probably drink tonight anyway.
  • I have been known to use my looks to get my way. It’s surprisingly effective with old white guys. I’m a lawyer, so I’m constantly surrounded by old white guys. I use this to my advantage, and call it feminism.
  • I’ve never stolen anything in my entire life, unless you count the time I stole someone’s husband.
  • Best decision of my life.
  • I miss you.
  • I love you.
  • I’m not sorry.

let down and hanging around

  • You really shouldn’t apply mascara while driving, bitch.
  • I don’t miss you at all. 
  • Why is everyone asking me if I’m okay all the time?
  • I hate you/I love you. Over and over and over. 
  • Would it kill you to be on time for something just once?
  • Give me all the Tramadol. 
  • Day one is in the books.
  • Oh look, you’re naked again. 
  • Insomnia is better with a partner because sex. 
  • Un-fucking-follow. 
  • I hope I have the patience to properly train the child lawyer.
  • I’m worried about you. 
  • Fuck you. You suck. Ugh. Oh look another baby pic. Cute cat!! Seriously die now. – Me on Facebook
  • Silence is easy.
  • Type. Type. Delete. 
  • Eye twitch.