Today my surgeon gave me the all clear. This means bras, running, and no more compression! Basically, life is back to normal.
She also told me to stop losing weight, because I “look really good.” She’s the expert and she saw me naked today, so…
Tonight the boyfriend and I are having dinner at BWW. I shall eat all the chicken in celebration of this glorious day. ❤
I’ve got Pain by Jimmy Eat World stuck in my head. And for a good reason. My fat grafting surgery was this morning. Everything went well, and I’m now at home recovering. I am in a tremendous amount of pain. OMG. Two oxycodone every four hours is barely taking the edge off, and the bruising is fucking epic. Liposuction is no joke. However, my boobs look absolutely amazing! I’m so pleased with the results.
Dave and Ann took turns taking care of me today. I am so grateful to have them in my life, and words cannot adequately express how much they both mean to me. So much love.
After I woke up, the nurse went back to get Dave, and he signed the discharge paperwork as my caretaker. It’s so weird to think back to where we started and then consider where we are now.
Then he took this pic, which he posted on Facebook, and remarked that even after surgery, I still look better than him. (An obvious falsehood, b/c just look at him. He’s fucking adorable.)
Considering what a hot mess I am in this pic, it must be love. ❤ I mean fuck, I’m still covered in all that nasty orange shit they smear all over you before surgery.
(That is tape you see covering my nose ring and industrial. The nurses were flipping their shit when I told them the jewelry couldn’t come out. So they put tape on them instead. Go figure.)
Another surgery completed!
Afternoon surgeries really suck. I was so hungry and thirsty by the time I got to the hospital that I had the worst headache. I was supposed to go to the OR at 2:30, but didn’t go until about 45 minutes after that because my surgeon was running behind. It wasn’t as traumatizing going in this time. (I cried last time). I feel like a pro.
When I woke up in recovery, I was in more pain than I expected to be, but it was still way better than the last surgery. I’ve discovered that morphine and I don’t mix. It does very little to control my pain. I suffered for about an hour before I was able to get oxycodone, which made everything better.
Upon waking post-surgery, I was overcome with an intense sadness, and I started to cry. I’m still adjusting to the fact that I’m a cancer patient. I have breast cancer at 33. Wtf? That’s a hard pill to swallow. I have two more incisions. I have a port in my chest so that the nurses can easily inject poison into my body starting next month. This is just completely ridiculous.
Once I’ve recovered from this surgery and can drive, I’m going to check out the local Young Women’s Breast Cancer Group, which meets in Clayton. I need to meet people who can relate to what I’m going through. I’ve started to feel a bit lonely lately. Almost everyone has been amazing about this, but none of them really understand how I’m feeling. I’m hoping to meet someone my age I can talk with candidly.
Being diagnosed with cancer is good for a few things:
1. It shows you very quickly who you can count on. That is a real eye opener. I have found it to be somewhat surprising, and as a result, a few relationships have strengthened considerably.
2. Perspective. I see things differently now. My priorities are changing. I appreciate how precious and fleeting life really is. I intend to live my life differently moving forward.
There is more, but it’s 2:30 in the morning, so that’s good for now.
I went to see the plastic surgeon today. She says I’m looking good, and removed the last two drains, which hurt like OMFG. So I’m drain free for a few hours. I’m getting a new drain in my left arm this afternoon during surgery to remove the lymph nodes. I’m also getting my chemo port. I hope it isn’t too terribly unpleasant. I was just starting to feel a little like myself again.
She’s going to start my fills on January 3rd. I’m looking forward to it. I’m anxious to get started on all of this stuff. The sooner we start, the sooner it’s over.
I’m so very hungry and thirsty. I haven’t had anything since midnight, and the surgery isn’t until later this afternoon. This seems like overkill to me, but whatever. I’m being a good patient.
I’m recovering pretty well from the surgery. My friends have been taking care of me. They are great.
I’m still a bit out of it from all the drugs, so I apologize if this post doesn’t make sense.
The double mastectomy was a success. No complications. I have to wait a week to find out the results of the lymph node biopsies. My surgeon sounded optimistic about it, and doesn’t seem to think it has spread. I know I’ll need chemo regardless, but maybe I can get out of radiation. I hope so.
I have my expanders in, but she didn’t fill them very much. She wants to give me time to heal. I should get my first fill in a few weeks.
When I woke up, I was in the worst pain of my life, and that is the closest I have come to freaking out. Luckily, they pumped me full of drugs and I started to relax.
The surgical bra sucks. It’s very uncomfortable. Also, I’m really itchy from all the drugs and the incisions.
I found out that I don’t have the breast cancer gene(s), which is great because it means i get to keep my ovaries. That was a huge relief.
I have more I want to say, but my head feels foggy, and I can’t think properly.
I’m glad to be home.
P.S. I hate these drains so much. I have 4 of them. Ugh.
I’ve been laying here, in my dark bedroom, for hours. I can’t sleep. That’s impossible.
But I’m ready. So very ready. Let’s do this.
I’d kill for a glass of water. This no water after midnight rule really sucks.
I’m starting to get really freaked out.
I want to climb into bed, hide under the covers, and never come out.