I’ve been singing this song a lot this week.

Hello, how are you doing today?
I hope I find you feeling healthy.
I’m so glad our paths crossed this time today
on our way into the night.

Oh, we find love. It’s hiding here,
in the shadows, in the darkness.
Baby, it’s you and I could bring it to the light.
Love, when I approach the tears they fall like rain, you tell me.
Baby, your heart into a thousand pieces dashed.

Stop, only old and wise, with clouded eyes,
You can’t see what I can, I
Blindly throw my faith to the face
Of the next pretty girl that comes my way.

So here we are all of us stand around.
We’re leaning heavy on each other.
Always wondering what is it lies behind
The worried eyes of one another.

I believe it’s love, it’s hiding there
Inside you and inside me.
Baby, the two of us can bring it to the light.
Love, when I approach the tears they fall like rain, you tell me.
Baby, your heart into a thousand pieces dashed.

Stop, only old and wise, with clouded eyes,
You can’t see what I can, I
Blindly throw my faith to the face
Of the next good thing that comes my way.

I say it’s love, it’s inside here,
It comes on out, share it with some.
Baby, you and I could bring it to the light.
Love, when I approach these tears they fall like rain, you tell me.
Baby, your heart into a thousand pieces dashed.

I believe it’s love.

Granny – Dave Matthews Band

I typed this from memory. xoxo

Thankful Thursday

The little ghetto girl that will always live inside my heart cannot believe how lovely life has become. I remember living in the broken down house in the “bad” part of Ferguson. The house with the bullet holes. The house with the abusive, alcoholic, drug addicted father. The house of pain and sadness. The very atmosphere was oppressive.  I used to daydream of how life could maybe be someday if I just tried hard enough. I could go to college and law school. I could fall in love. Have a family. Build a beautiful life. I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders, and so many obstacles in my way. But I never ever gave up. And here I am now, looking back on a childhood that feels so very far away now. The pain, the suffering, and the struggle were so worth it. I feel so very fortunate.

And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself
Well…How did I get here?

the way things are

I’ve posted the lyrics to this song before, but, unfortunately, it once again feels very appropriate.

There is nothing that competes with habit
And I know it’s neither deep nor tragic
But simply that you have to have it

So you can make a killing
So you can make a killing
So you can make a killing

I wish I was both young and stupid
Then I too could have the fun that you did
Till it was time to pony up what you bid

So you can make a killing
So you can make a killing
So you can make a killing

I could follow you and search the rubble
Or stay right here and save myself some trouble
I try to keep myself from seeing double

Or I could make a killing
Or I could make a killing
Or I could make a killing

maybe I should lay off the Nyquil?

Last night, while high on Nyquil, I wrote this little poem:

Doubts creep in,
like thieves in the night,
stealing all the happy.

And I’ve also had the following lyrics stuck in my head since bedtime last night:

“I made my bed, I’ll lie in it. I made my bed, I’ll die in it.”

Miss World – Hole. Live Through This

It felt very profound last night, and I can’t figure out if that’s a bad thing. Like I was FEELING it. Hmm.

Oh and I’ve been nursing the dreaded Nyquil hangover all day. I feel like a zombie. Just another reason to avoid it, I suppose. Considering the amount of benzos and alcohol I consume on the regular, it’s sort of bizarre that something like Nyquil or Benadryl can kick my ass so hard.

I’m going to start taking Zyrtec tonight, because I can’t even with these allergies.

Really…I can’t even with this week. But that could be an entire blog post on its own.

Don’t Hurt Yourself

I’m not one to go crazy over Beyonce, but Lemonade is pretty fucking phenomenal.  I bought the album today, which is crazy because I can’t even remember the last time I bought an album. I typically listen to everything via Spotify.

I’ve been listening to it all afternoon. Don’t Hurt Yourself is fucking amazing, and Hold Up is also really good.

lyrically me

Inspired by a conversation I had with D a couple of weeks ago, here are some lyrics that I very much identify with and/or invoke strong feelings within me:

I want to be the girl with the most cake.

Doll Parts – Hole

If I knew just the pin to hold in I’d build walls and you know, you know I would.

Open Up – The Dead Weather.

The future is no place to place your better days.

Cry Freedom – Dave Matthews Band.

Sometimes I think that I’m bigger than the sound.

Cheated Hearts – Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Hey, but I don’t care ’cause sometimes, I said sometimes I hear my voice,
And it’s been here…silent all these years.

Silent All These Years – Tori Amos

Well I’ll fall right in to keep you out. I’d like to tell you all about it.

Turn Into – Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Ok I’ll admit. I’m not innocent. I did everything and I would again.

Graveyard Whistling – Nothing But Thieves

I wish I could buy back the woman you stole.

Y Control – Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Well, maybe I’m a crook for stealing your heart away
Yeah, maybe I’m a crook for not caring for it
Yeah, maybe I’m a bad, bad, bad, bad person
Well, baby, I know.

Love Love Love – Of Monsters And Men

I don’t know what I’m doing, don’t know, should I change my mind?
I can’t decide, there’s too many variations to consider
No thing I do don’t do no thing but bring me more to do
It’s true, I do imbue my blue unto myself, I make it bitter

On The Bound – Fiona Apple

My hopes are so high,
that your kiss might kill me.
So won’t you kill me,
so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

Hands Down – Dashboard Confessional

https://open.spotify.com/track/4nAk5rTFqrGcoAXLP2ppUl?plead=please-dont-download-this-or-our-lawyers-wont-let-us-host-audio

This came on during a shuffle play on Spotify. I hadn’t heard it since the late nineties. It gives me all the feels, and brings up a lot of memories. 

My favorite lyrics:

The trouble understand, is she got reasons he don’t
Funny how he couldn’t see it at all ‘til she grabbed up her coat
And she goes, she’s been here too few years to take it all in stride
But still it’s much too long, to let hurt go (you let her go)