the firm

I second guess myself way too much considering I’m almost always right (when it comes to work stuff that is). I guess it’s better to be safe than sorry?

Anyway, I just won a battle on behalf of two clients whose money had been garnished and I ended up getting the money back. All of it. Boom.

Winning always feels good, but it feels especially good when you win against an opponent whom you actually respect/admire. I must be doing something right. I guess. (<< see…i did it again).

We extended a job offer today for a legal assistant position. Should she accept, which I suspect she will, she will be our 5th employee. How the fuck is that even a thing? I still vividly remember when Scott and I were sitting across from each other, just the two of us, in a shared office space. We answered our own phones, scheduled our own appointments, made our own copies. Fuck, sometimes we even did house calls. The idea of having even one employee was a total mind fuck at that point.

Anyway, she (the newbie) will start mid-January. Just in time for busy season.

Though, honestly, every season is busy now, so I guess I should call it busier season.

Sometimes I think about how far we’ve come and I start to feel anxious. I try not to think about it too much. It feels precarious, like it could slip through my fingers at any time. Why do I deserve this? Yes, I worked hard, but so have others. Why me? Why now?  It’s hard to relax.

Things are great. Business is good. My employees are awesome. The law partner and I are getting along better than ever. But I’m so burnt out. I need a real vacation. I need to get away from this place for a bit.  I want to runaway and elope on a beach, and then spend a week drinking, sleeping, banging, reading, swimming, and zoning out. If it doesn’t happen soon, I may cut someone.

I feel the weight of this firm resting heavily upon my shoulders. There’s only so much one person can take. What is my breaking point? Hopefully, we don’t find out.

Nobody said it would be easy, am I right?

Not easy…but worth it. Always worth it.

let me get this straight…

You are 46 years old. You have four vehicles that you are financing. You want to keep three of them. Why? Nobody knows. You have no kids. You don’t have a spouse or significant other. So you are the only one who drives these vehicles. Oh and you live with your parents because you “can’t afford rent.”

Hmm. I wonder why?

I guarantee you that when I tell him he isn’t going to be allowed to keep three cars while asking the court to discharge his unsecured debts he’s going to flip his shit.


friday fuckery

Woke up this morning feeling very blah. Headache, etc. We had too much fun last night, and now I must pay.

It’s going to be a long day. After work, I have to pick Jackson up, take him shopping for a gift, and then take him to a two hour ninja gym birthday party, where I will be forced to make awkward small talk with random parents. Fuuuuuuuuck.

I might need some hair of the dog…

Yesterday was cut and color day, and my stylist really stepped up her game without me even having to say anything. My hair looks amaze-balls. Blue-black hair for the motherfucking win. I look sort of gothy. I like.

But now I’m like, oh fuck does she read my blog? Did she see that post where I bitched about my hair? I texted one of my besties who also uses her and told her my suspicions. I blamed it on “that fucking tit pic.” I swear to fucking god, you post one pic of your inflamed, irradiated tit and all anonymity goes out the door. Haha.

So yesterday I met with this dick wad client of mine, and he was like, “Oh did you have your baby yet?” And I was thinking: are you fucking kidding me right now, fuck face?  What I said was, “Well the only baby I have is almost seven  years old now, so…”  Fuck face was like, “Oh I thought you were about to have a baby.”

I don’t have the best body image or anything, and I think I need to lose like 15 pounds (though I’m technically well within my healthy body weight), but I didn’t/don’t even look remotely pregnant. Especially not pregnant enough to be about to fucking pop a baby out. Also, why do people still feel like it’s acceptable to ask a woman if she is pregnant? How fucking stupid are you? Why are you even commenting on my body anyway, you stupid fuck? If I’m pregnant and feel like discussing it with you, I will bring it up. Please go die in a dumpster fire. Thanks.

In the next breath, he tells me that he and his wife have separated. SHOCKING, dude. Fucking shocking. I mean, you seem like such a catch and all.

I came out from the meeting and told the girls, who were like: yeah well there is something seriously wrong with that fucker so don’t even take it seriously.

Oh and on the way to work this morning I was almost involved in two accidents because people cannot be bothered to look before they start moving into the next lane over. So that’s how my day is going.

At least it’s Friday!!! What?!!



I received an unexpected apology this morning.

I was at the courthouse and ran into an old boss. This is the boss from my first real job as an attorney. A job where, through hard work and diligence, I worked my way up from newbie associate to head of the bankruptcy department; effectively resulting in the demotion of a more senior attorney. Anyway, when I left that job, my boss took it very poorly, which came as no surprise. He was pretty shitty to me, but I took it in stride, moved on, and never looked back.

So back to this morning: After exchanging minor small talk and pleasantries, he said, “I want to apologize for how I behaved back when you quit. I was a dick and you didn’t deserve it. I took it personally and I was bummed to be losing you, but that is no excuse. I love how when I see you now you look so very happy and I’m proud of how successful you’ve become.”

I thanked him and told him there were no hard feelings. Then we hugged. It was really sweet, and it made my day.

It’s never too late to try to make things right.


the lawyer life

The shittiest part of my job is having to sit down with uneducated, older, often sickly, people and explaining to them that they are likely going to lose their home.

It hurts my heart. Even after all these years.

My compassion is not yet dead, no matter how often life tries to kick my ass. On Monday morning, I will be begging opposing counsel to help me get them a loan mod.

better luck next time

I hear a lot of bullshit excuses and/or stories in my line of work, but this one is a doozy:

So this chick walks in today and wants to pay the attorney’s fees for her boyfriend’s traffic matter. We quoted him $100.00 to take care of a couple of insurance tickets. She says,”I had all the money to take care of this, but I seem to have misplaced it somehow between the parking lot and the door. Will you do it for $20 instead?”

Bitch, please.  Do I look like I was born yesterday? Next time, come up with a better scam.


you can’t fix stupid


This was me yesterday. I had court Monday morning in a local municipality (where court is held in a fucking gymnasium…I’m serious). My client had been arrested for driving while suspended (DWS) and no insurance. These carry huge point penalties that will suspend your driving privileges for at least an additional year. I worked him out a SWEET deal. A deal that would have allowed him to get his license reinstated and avoid the new points. All it required was for him to make a phone call and work out a payment arrangement on his seriously delinquent child support (which is so delinquent that this on its own will likely result in his incarceration eventually). I even told him I would assist with that (because I’m a sucker). His response? “I can’t be fucking with *insert muni name* anymore.”

We argued for a bit, during which I outlined the ways in which he was fucking up his life. Finally, I said, “You are being really stupid,” and I left it at that. He plead guilty, and we parted ways.

So that’s two hours of my life I’m never getting back.

**Somewhat unrelated, but I can’t wait for Better Call Saul ^^ to start up again. Such a great show!