I just received a 365 day gratitude journal I purchased from Amazon. I’m quite excited to start using it. I’m already doing The 52 Lists Project, which I love, so I’m hoping this will be similar.
From gratitude onto horror – I’m obsessed with all things horror (movies, books, etc) and I have tried reading the cult horror classic House of Leaves on several different occasions but have never been able to finish it. It’s long, difficult, and tedious at times. It’s heavy (literally – it’s over 700 (big) pages). There are two separate stories combined to give a bigger overall story, but it’s purposefully difficult. It has to be pieced together via footnotes and obscure passages. Sometimes you have to actually turn the book upside down to continue reading. In the past, I have tried reading it and always failed to get more than about a quarter of the way through the book. This time, thanks to advice from a Tumblr pal, I have a strategy. I’m going to commit to reading just 20 pages per day. I will conquer this book!
My friend did a thing! In other exciting book news, my good friend has had her first novel published! I’m so excited for her. She gave me my autographed copy this weekend (in Chicago). If you are into lesbian erotica you should def check it out.
And finally, I think my Kindle Paperwhite is approaching the end of its days. There are so many Kindle options now that I’m not sure which version to replace it with.
This was one of the more difficult lists I’ve completed so far, but it was also the most rewarding. I like that the “take action” note advises to keep adding to the list throughout the year as a way to realize the unique things that make me who I am. (Have I mentioned I adore this journal? Because I really, really love it. You can buy it here.)
My list (so far):
- good listener
- hard working
Last week’s list, which I didn’t post, was List The Ways You Can Rejuvenate Your Space. Next week’s list is: List The Things That Always Cheer You Up. I’m looking forward to that one. I’m going to use it as a self-care master list.
I have found a few more “self-discovery” type journals I plan on buying soon.
- my weight
- social media & blogs that make me feel bad/guilty/jealous/insecure
- passive aggressive behavior
- other people’s expectations
- the mean girl inside of me
Tonight I picked up the very last of the boxes of stuff my ex-mil has been storing for me. There is a huge box filled with my old journals. I picked one at random to read. It covers 3/9/96 thru 12/21/96, which was the end of my junior year thru first semester of senior year of high school. It reads much like a bad teen romance novel. OMG I like this guy. No wait now I like this other guy. Oh shit I’m in love with some other guy and if he doesn’t love me back I’ll simply die. You get the idea.
Anyway, on the inside of the back cover I had written the following:
She smiles through a thousand tears, and harbors adolescent fears. She dreams of all that she can never be. She wades in insecurity, and hides herself inside of me.
It made me gasp, but I didn’t immediately recognize it. I had to Google it, and found out it is a verse from a song by Mariah Carey called Looking In.
It’s funny how I still identify with the lyrics at 36 just as much as I did at 17.
I’m thankful for blogging.
I’ve always been into journaling. I started keeping a diary at a very young age. I kept them all throughout college, until I opened a Livejournal account in March 2004. I met a lot of really amazing ladies through LJ, particularly from the Nov 2009 babies group. In 2012, I transitioned to Tumblr, where I have met even more amazing people. People who have made my life better.
I can’t imagine living a life where I’m not writing about life. It’s such a great tool for working through feelings and problems. Plus, it’s just a fun way to keep a record of your life. I love going back and reading my old journals/blogs. The good, the bad, and the really, really bad (I’m looking at you, 2012). All of it. (It’s particularly important to me now that chemo brain has taken it’s toll, and I feel like I can’t remember anything.)