my little brother died. I’m kind of a mess.
Sometimes I miss what a hard core bitch I used to be. Old Jenn would have just brushed this shit off. Instead, I’ve been crying on and off for four fucking days. But whatever, fuck it. I’m going to lock it up.
Today is my brother’s birthday. He would have been 28 years old.
I still can’t believe he’s gone.
- Cancer fakers: why? Fuck you. Seriously.
- Tonight I bought my very first (but definitely not last) pair of fleece lined leggings and I am in love. I’m going to buy a few more pairs for Iceland.
- Speaking of Iceland, it’s coming up fast and we still have a lot to do to get ready. I’m slightly stressed, but it’s going to be so worth it.
- The bf and I made more beer today. Today was an American Pale Ale. I hope it turns out. We are calling it Welcome Back to America Pale Ale, because it will be ready when we get back from Iceland. I know…we are dorks. (The bf wants to brew a Bock beer so he can call it Jenny From The Bock.)
- I’m sick of holidays. It really throws off my schedule, and that makes me feel weird. I just want life to go back to normal now. It doesn’t help that the custody schedule is going to be really weird for the next several weeks b/c the ex is leaving for a week and then a week later I will be leaving.
- I had one of those days today where I woke up feeling sad, but not for any particular reason. I have felt like something was off all day. I’m hoping I’ll sleep it off tonight.
- I really, really need to start packing. And also hire movers.
Last night, as I was falling asleep, I thought to myself: sometimes you go to sleep and you just don’t wake up…like Chris.
And my heart hurt.
I still can’t believe my little brother is gone.
It will be another four to six weeks before we know the cause of death.
He left behind four little boys. The twins are only two months old.
I just can’t…