it’s officially monday now

Because it’s after midnight. And I’m still awake because anxiety. 

I’m off today, but having the day off is not awesome when it involves going to the dentist. *sigh*

*BUT*

I won’t have to wake up super early.  The five am mornings have been killing me. 

Also, I will be able to get in a run after I drop the kiddo at school. My Sunday morning run was tough, but I felt really good after.

*AND*

Tonight I get to hang out with Jackson and Freya so it could definitely be worse.  I’m going to make spaghetti for dinner. Plus, we will probably make cutesy videos and play hide & seek. So yay for kid bonding time. 

open up my head and let me out

  1. I wrote this long blog post and then saved it to drafts. Sometimes I just need to write it out, but don’t feel like sharing it. I have three posts in the draft folder that I will probably never delete, but I’ll also never post.
  2. I woke up not feeling well today. I have a horrible headache. I’m not sure why.  The weather here is rainy and blah, so it seems like a good day to just stay inside and try to relax. I don’t know why relaxing is so hard for me. It makes me feel guilty. 
  3. I’ve been sad lately. I think maybe my Tamoxifen induced depression is back. I’m struggling with whether or not I want to medicate it or leave it be. I’m so sick of pills. 
  4. I’m on a big house decoration kick. Next up: curtains. This stuff is more exciting to me than I feel like it should be. Just another sign of my old age, I guess.
  5. Danielle & I watched The Babadook last night. It was creepy as fuck. It hit a little too close to home with the whole single mom and young son aspect of it. 
  6. I didn’t sleep very well last night. See #5.  Oh and also…my regularly scheduled insomnia, of course. Lorazepam is not working. *sigh*
  7. Sundays make me anxious. I don’t expect this one to be any different. Ugh. I need a hug, and my boyfriend won’t be back until Thursday. *sad face*

saturday stuff

I slept in until almost ten this morning and it was just what I needed. I feel much more awake and with it today.  I don’t know why I can’t sleep like that during the work week. (Actually I do…stupid anxiety). My doc prescribed a new med for me to try, so we shall see if that helps.  I hate relying on Xanax b/c it makes me feel hungover the next day. 

Lunch date with Danielle today and then whatever the day may bring. 

I do have a few last minute items to pick up for the Easter gathering I’m doing for the kids tomorrow. Egg hunt! 

Oh and Happy Caturday, of course!

Isn’t she beautiful? I adore her. 

eyes wide open

My insomnia has become a big problem.  I’ve been averaging like maybe three hours of sleep per night since mid February. It’s catching up with me in a bad way. I’ve been struggling to stay awake while driving recently.  Today I helped chaperone Jackson’s class field trip to a play, and I kept falling asleep once the lights were off in the theater. I had lunch with my boyfriend today, and half the time I felt like I couldn’t even understand what he was saying to me. It’s impossible to concentrate when I’m at the office.  Lack of sleep makes me stressed out, irritable, and emotional.  I just woke up from a two hour nap, and I feel a lot better now, but I know it’s temporary. I have to figure out a way to get this under control. 

For now the plan is: more exercise and sleep aids every night. I hope it works. Tonight Dave and I are running in Forest Park, and I’m going to take a Xanax before bed. 

wacky wednesday

I had a busy morning of lawyering and now I want a nap. I haven’t been sleeping well lately and it’s starting to catch up with me. Tonight is my night! (At least I hope it is.)

Lunch date with the bf this afternoon. Yay.

Dinner date tonight with the bestie and Naarah. I would normally have Jackson tonight (and this weekend) but he is going to Texas with his dad and grandmother instead. To stop myself from being depressed about it, I have decided to fill up my week/weekend with fun activities. 

This was probably not the best week to start a new horror novel. Oops.

Yesterday I totally Facebook stalked my ex and his new gf. (I know, I know.)  They are cute together, and appear happy. This made me quite happy, and also relieved. The guilt eats at me still. 

I’m expecting (yet another) Modcloth package to arrive today. *squee*