I have seriously overhauled my attitude these past few weeks.  I truly do believe that your attitude plays the biggest role in how you feel on a day to day basis, and with that in mind, I have committed to maintaining a good attitude whenever possible.  Of course, sadness creeps in from time to time.  That happened to me yesterday and a little this morning.  In the past, I might have allowed myself to dwell in those feelings for a day (or three), but fuck that noise. Now I’m addressing it head on.  I can feel it for a bit, and if I need to cry then I will.  Then I get up and turn on “Shake It Out” by Florence and the Machine.  Singing and dancing to that song never fails to put me in a better mood.  Then I will write a list of the good things I have going on in my life.  Here’s my list:

  • I can’t believe it is already Friday.  I love short weeks.  This one flew by.  I’m quite excited for this weekend.  I pick up cute face this afternoon.  Tonight we have dinner plans with old friends.  Tomorrow we have much shopping to do.  Sunday night I’m going to a highly anticipated concert with Ann (and hopefully my super cute cousin). Plus, there will be much working out inserted throughout.
  • I can feel every muscle in my body because I have been working my ass off at the gym.  I’m in the best shape of my life.
  • My relationship is better than ever.  Proper communication really does make the biggest difference.
  • Lake trip!
  • Business is going really well.  Sometimes I look at what we have built and I can’t believe it.  We quit our jobs with $6000.00 in the bank and an idea of how we thought a law firm should be run.  Look at us now. It’s amazing and wonderful.
  • Rekindling relationships with old friends and family has me feeling really happy.
  • I feel like all of my relationships are stronger right now, because I am putting the effort into them that they deserve.
  • I’m moving to my dream apartment, in my dream location, in less than two weeks.
  • I am lucky enough to be loved by many amazing people, and they are not shy about letting me know it.
  • Every day I feel the grip breast cancer has had on my life these last seven months slowly loosening.

Life is good. I have to remember how lucky I am.

I’m feeling good right now.  Very positive.

I met my new surgeons today, and they seem amazing.  The breast surgeon came highly recommended.  She’s considered one of the best in the state.  I was mostly nervous about meeting the plastic surgeon, because I was extremely unhappy with what I heard and saw at my last consultation.  Luckily, she is very knowledgeable, easy to talk to, experienced, and her work is amazing.  In fact, I’m actually convinced that my breasts will look better after all is said and done. For the first time since getting diagnosed, I really feel like everything is going to be okay.  It’s going to take a long time getting there, but I will get there.

My surgeon gave me more info about my cancer today. She told me I have Stage 2 Infiltrating Lobular Carcinoma, Pleomorphic Type, Grade II. Three tumors total.  It responds to hormones, which means I need hormone therapy.  It is Her-2 negative, which is apparently a good thing.  I got blood drawn for the genetic testing.  They are pretty convinced I will test positive for the breast cancer mutation, because of my age and the type of cancer I have.  If I test positive, they will want to remove my ovaries because I’ll have a 70% chance of getting ovarian cancer too. I don’t particularly care about that, since I don’t want more children, but it’s just another sucky part of this entire thing.

I found out I had cancer exactly one week ago.  I survived my first week.  Yay!

It has been so difficult, but I’ve determined that I am an incredibly lucky person.  My friends and family are absolutely amazing.