I had a dream this morning that D and I were getting married, and I lost my wedding dress. So I was running around trying to find something else to wear. Eventually, I decided upon an emerald green evening gown. Then I couldn’t find the right shoes. Once that was settled, I was like two hours late. Almost all the guests had left, and I looked at D and said, “Me and you. Just us two.” And we got married.
I had a dream nightmare that Dave and I broke up. Not a good way to start the day.
The one thing I dislike about Lexapro is that it has given me very intense and vivid dreams. I often wake up exhausted and confused as to whether things actually happened.
I woke up twice in the middle of the night and completely freaked out because I had no idea where I was. I was in my own bed. It was so crazy.
Then this morning I woke up almost hyperventilating because of a dream nightmare in which I was told I had cervical cancer.
Oh and I feel like absolute shit on top of all that nonsense.
Sounds like a Xanax kind of morning.
I had a dream last night that I had recovered enough to resume running. In the dream, I was happily running along, and then I looked down and my left arm was huge and swollen. I had gotten lymphedema during the run. I woke up with a gasp (because I’m always dramatic, even while sleeping), and was quite relieved that it was only a dream.
Cancer is now taking over my dreams. This is bullshit.
As happy as I am that all of the nodes she removed were negative, I’m more than a little annoyed that I had an unnecessary surgery. My gut told me not to do it, and I questioned my surgeon about it, but she told me that in my situation she recommended it 100%. So I did it. For nothing. On the other hand, if I hadn’t done it, I would be sitting here right now wondering if the cancer was slowly spreading around while I wait for chemo to kill it off. So…it’s a no win situation.Â
Fuck it. I’m just going to be happy about it. I am going to beat this shit. Some people aren’t that lucky.
Just Jenn 