dreams are weird

I had a dream this morning that D and I were getting married, and I lost my wedding dress. So I was running around trying to find something else to wear. Eventually, I decided upon an emerald green evening gown. Then I couldn’t find the right shoes. Once that was settled, I was like two hours late. Almost all the guests had left, and I looked at D and said, “Me and you. Just us two.” And we got married.


happy fucking sunday

I woke up twice in the middle of the night and completely freaked out because I had no idea where I was.  I was in my own bed. It was so crazy.

Then this morning I woke up almost hyperventilating because of a dream nightmare in which I was told I had cervical cancer.

Oh and I feel like absolute shit on top of all that nonsense.

Sounds like a Xanax kind of morning.

I had a dream last night that I had recovered enough to resume running.  In the dream, I was happily running along, and then I looked down and my left arm was huge and swollen.  I had gotten lymphedema during the run.  I woke up with a gasp (because I’m always dramatic, even while sleeping), and was quite relieved that it was only a dream.

Cancer is now taking over my dreams.  This is bullshit.

As happy as I am that all of the nodes she removed were negative, I’m more than a little annoyed that I had an unnecessary surgery.  My gut told me not to do it, and I questioned my surgeon about it, but she told me that in my situation she recommended it 100%.  So I did it. For nothing.  On the other hand, if I hadn’t done it, I would be sitting here right now wondering if the cancer was slowly spreading around while I wait for chemo to kill it off.  So…it’s a no win situation. 

Fuck it.  I’m just going to be happy about it.  I am going to beat this shit. Some people aren’t that lucky.