Lost

I can’t watch alcohol kill my friend. I just can’t. I don’t know what to do. Being woken up from a sound sleep to deal with alcohol related drama is giving me all kinds of crazy flashbacks from childhood and I just can’t deal. I don’t know what to do.

It’s amazing to me that marijuana is illegal, but alcohol is not. I’ve never heard of a marijuana related death, but I watched alcohol addiction kill my step-father, and felt first hand the suffering it causes families. Looks like it may end up taking one of my best friends too.

I learned a long time ago that you can only help people who want to help themselves. I think this is exactly what she wants, and it breaks my heart.

Fuck.
Life is so precious. Watching her throw her life away is a slap in the face after everything we have been through this year. I’m sad, but I’m also angry. This is bullshit.
K, if you’re reading this, this shit has to stop.

It’s the little things

I’m now 21 weeks post-chemo, and I just used a blow dryer for the first time. It felt both weird and awesome.

When I wake up in the morning, my hair looks crazy. It’s getting harder to style. Little pieces stick out and do their own thing, despite the use of multiple products designed to tame them. It feels great to have these normal problems again.

in the crossfire

I either have really bad allergies or a cold. I’m not sure which.  I’m also not sure it matters.  Either way, I feel like shit.

I’m pretty stressed this week.  There’s not enough time to do all the things.

I feel like everyone is trying to take a piece of me. I know that sounds strange, but that’s how I feel.  I don’t have anymore pieces to give. Seriously.

I can’t concentrate.  My thoughts are scattered.  I need to start relying upon my lists again.  I’m a mess.  I blame chemo brain.  That shit is real. 

I’m tired ALL OF THE TIME.

I’m taking vacation the last full week of September, and it will be glorious.  It cannot come soon enough.  I’m so very burnt out, like whoa. 

I saw my breast surgeon yesterday.  She says I’m looking good and I don’t need to come back for a year.  She also said that my plastic surgeon can remove my port when I get my implants in January.  I can’t wait to get rid of that thing.  I was considering doing it sooner, but I have a wedding coming up and the dress is strapless, so…

Speaking of the wedding, oh the drama.  This morning I apologized to my friends who were bridesmaids in my own wedding, because let’s be honest, being a bridesmaid fucking sucks.  Oh I get to spend a fuckton of money for the privilege of working on your wedding?  Awesome. 

Getting married is dumb anyway.  Just live together.  

I do like jewelry though.  I’m a fan of the engagement ring, I must admit.

Running…don’t even get me started.  At least the weather is getting better.  I learned a major lesson this weekend: don’t attempt to run 6 miles when it’s 100 degrees.  Yep, I’m that fucking dumb.  

Or am I just that fucking dedicated and awesome?  Hmm.

I FEEL LIKE MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE. And I just sneezed like 15 times in a row.  What the fucking fuck? 

Labor Day winery trip to Mount Pleasant. We also stopped at Augusta Brewery on the way. It was a lot of fun, but I think I need a break from drinking for a while. Neither of us are feeling very well.

But I have to say, I totally love this guy. Like I’m head over heels, crazy in love with him. He makes me so happy. This was another great weekend spent together.